Why I don’t watch shows

Of "The Summer I turned Pretty" and that kind of love

…

I rarely get started on a tv-show, but now I did. Turns out it has become my new hyperfixation… and given me a lot of inspiration to write.

First of all, through watching this -very painfully obviously- teen show, I have come to the realisation I am in fact getting older. The indication for this was that in the first season I was more invested in the friendship between the two moms of the protagonists and was more interested in following their little silly “adventures”. I am currently 27 but growing up goes hard after a certain age and before you know it you find yourself relating more to 30-40 year olds instead of 16-18 year olds. Even if in my brain I was 18 yesterday and still feel as young as I did then. What is more,on the last season, during a wedding repetition scene, I caught myself thinking to my and my partner’s future children’s wedding and how each of us would react. Is it me or is it some strange subconsious -biological clock like need to procreate? Maybe it’s both.

Secondly and most importantly, there is the love story. In the show, the protagonist -a 16 year old in the first season and 21 year old by the last season - is called to choose between two boys-men, two brothers, whom she has grown up with. In the first season she chooses brother number 1, only to break up -more precisely get broken up with - by the begining of season 2 and then proceed to date brother number 2. In the final season, the protagonist and brother No 2 have been dating for four years while brother No 1 has been out of the picture -literally - studying -bump, bump, bumpppp- MEDICINE in another state. In montage we see a happy relationship between two college students through the years. With one -big- exception ; brother No 2 is revealed to have slept with another, during a break up with the protagonist which lasted a week, and took place a few months before the events of season 3. When the protagonist finds out, she is understandably dissapointed and heartbroken and refuses to speak with him for a few days, before eventually making up with him after her brother ends up in the hospital with a cRitIcAl NeUrOlOGicAl injury and she realises that life is too short to “not spend it with the people you love”. Upon making up with her, brother No 2 immediately proposes to her, and she -seemingly happily- accepts. Season 3 follows the events leading up to the wedding, including brother No 1 coming back to the family’s beach house after being fired from his summer job in the hospital, and deciding to spend time there, with the protagonist and his brother’s fiancee, whom he -gasp- STIL HAS FEELINGS FOR….

Now because I cannot deal with suspence, unless its a horror or mystery series, I have of course gone to internet and read the ending of the books that the series is based on and I know that the protagonist is inevitably going to end up with brother No 1. Even if I hadn’t read the ending I would have still known because I have read many simillar books when I was a teenager. If I am honest with myself this was the kind of love that I used to idolised back then. I don’t know if I was wrong then only to have seen the light now. I also highly doubt it matters.

When I was younger I percieved indifference from guys I liked as a dissapointment, but also as a challenge. I used to like that flirting and being in love felt like a competition. When I would win and get even the slightest indication the person I liked cared for me back, I would be in the clouds. Only to fall back to earth with a thumb the next day when he would ignore me again and the chase would be on once more. Sad thing is that I always expected this was what love should feel like. An endless back and forth between highs and lows. Maybe even sadder, I assumed it just wasn’t love if I wasn’t constantly overtaken by the need to win the other person over, to make sure they were still interested.

A younger version of myself would have liked the direction of the last season. It would only seem natural to me that the protagonist would end up with brother No 1. After all, he was her first love, one that she apparently never really got over during her four year relationship with another person. Furthermore, he was what my younger self dreamt of. An individual who gives you only the smallest hints they’re interested, mixed with numerous hints that they don’t even care if you exist. Who would shows hints of valnurability only to take it back a second later. Who has you second guessing the entire time. My first real heartbreak was from a person like that and by the time it was over, I wasn’t even sure the whole flirting, the push and pull hadn’t just been in my head.

I don’t think love is supossed to feel like this. It isn’t supossed to be exhausting and your partner shouldn’t keep you second guessing their feelings for the whole duration of your time together. It shouldn’t feel like a win when, after breaking your heart and trust multiple times, they eventually decide you have been it for them all along and barge back into your life like they are somehow entitled to it and you.

Your partner should be the one person -or one of the people- in this world that you feel like you can trust and rely on. Someone who will be on your side and support you through the ups and downs in life. Your partner should be your person, one of your best friends and ultimately your family. A romantic relationship shouldn’t feel like a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster is fun because it only lasts a few minutes, gives you an adrenaline rush and the satisfaction you’ve been through it. That’s not what any relationship should be like whether romantic or platonic. The highs cannot justify the lows. For the time they happen to be in it, your partner should be a constant in your life.

I wonder why so many books and shows written about and targeted at young adults and teens seem so bend on perpetuating this version of romantic relationships and love. My version of a healthy romantic relationship and of romantic love might not be the only “right” one but what they choose to portray in this show, definitely isn’t. 

My version of love is calm, boring at times. It’s security and it’s confidence. It’s a person encouraging you to be your truest - craziest self, who understands you through and through and who is not afraid to share their love for you with you and the world. A healhty romantic relationship should be the refuge you seek during the storm - not the storm itself. A soulsister - as we call soulmates in greek -, a lover, a best friend. Your bigest fan.

I won’t lie; I did enjoy the intensity of the love stories I read as a teenager- maybe it also fits the intensity of all feelings in puberty. I just wish that my younger self had also been exposed -even a little bit to this other kind of love.

Anyway, time pass and river rols.

I hope some of you resonate. Or not.

See you in another opinion.