The Truth about Practicals

Written on August 9th, 2023

Of minds on OCD

If people knew more about obsessive compulsive disorder, and if there wasn’t so much shame associated with it, I just might have been -a bit – more honest, when my mom asked how my first physical examination practical had gone.

In fact I was too busy trying to convince myself that I was not secretly enjoying watching my collegues practice breast examination on one another. Or that I was not unconsciously violating my female colleagues when being the one to perform the exam on them.

Why had I noticed that one of the female students had what looked like eczema around the nipples?

Then there was the issue of informed consent. Had my colleagues been aware of the fact that I had been -extensively or compulsively– questioning my sexuality, would they still have no objection against my performing a breast examination on them?

And even if my “questionable” sexuality was not an issue, what about the fact that I had spent 90% of the practical trying to avoid sexually harassing them by accident? Would they still be okay with me practicing on them?

I seriously considered no longer pursuing a career in medicine. The logical part of my brain made me reconsider. Sometimes this logical part was awake and convincing. Most of the times though, it avoided the spotlight.

Before I even had my next appointment, I played the conversation with my psychiatrist in my head. He would have viewed the physical examination practical as an excellent exposure response prevention exercise. The logical part of my brain agreed.

So be it. I was reasonable in fear.